A piss-poor way to start the day. (Pun very very much intended)

Today has started as any other day would normal start. It's the ass-crack of dawn and the kids are up playing. As I get up to tell them to get their butts back into bed, Cole tells me that Livi is in the potty. This is actually great news. See, she's almost three and about 95% potty trained. I turned my attention to the bathroom, where she is sitting in the dark because she can't reach the light switch. As soon as she sees me, she announces with pride, 'I'm pooping!' Awesome. This is exactly how I had envisioned my day starting. I patiently waited for her to finish so that I could wipe her hiney. Oh a mother's dream. At least I don't have to buy diapers anymore.
After getting her all settled back into bed, I realized there is no way I'm going to be able to go back to bed. So I got my glasses and headed down stairs. I tried to get the dog to come down with me, but she's lazy too and just looked at me like I was crazy for wanting her to get up out of her comfy bed. Fine. I'll go by myself. As any mother would say, I'm sure, there is nothing like the peaceful time in the morning when for some crazy reason, you're the only one up and the house is still quiet. It lets me wake up in peace and helps me be a calmer person. Like right now, there are bangs and crashes coming from up stairs followed by some gun sounds. I'm calm as a bunny. See what an hour of mommy-time can do?
After being the domestic diva that I'm certianly not, and making the kids a nice hot breakfast of scrambled eggs and cheese with toast (hey, it's hot and the kids don't realize how easy it is to make okay? Don't judge me.) I call them down and go upstairs to finally shoo the dog down to go outside. In the time it took me to go upstairs and collect the dog, Cole finished eating and wanted a drink. Figuring that her bathroom needs were not dire, I went to grab the kids a glass of juice before I took her out. While I was pouring the second little glass, I hear Cole, 'Mom! Bama's peeing on the floor!!' Really dog? Really??? Your lazy ass didn't even want to get out of bed, and now you have to go to the bathroom so badly, that you couldn't hold it for 35 seconds? Seriously? Between the dog and the 2 year old, why is someone always peeing on the floor? I'm totally going to put a pull-up on this dog. It's going to happen.
All this and it's only now just after 10am. I still have to go to work today. At least the kids are being good!