Ornithophobia - a type of specific phobia, an abnormal, irrational fear of birds.
Most people know that I suffer from this phobia. A lot of people think it's a humorous phobia and will tag me in pictures of birds and send me photos of flocks of birds hanging out on the telephone wires. I'm not really sure people understand how big of a phobia this is for me. I mean, I get it. It's kinda silly. It's an irrational fear. Part of my brain realizes that it's silly, and I am incredibly thankful for that part. Without that part of my brain, I would probably have crashed my car a million times by now.
I have to take a moment and collect myself right now. Even writing about this topic is making my heart race and is making me sweat. But I've got my Abita Pecan beer here, so I'll drink my way though this. What prompted me to really face this happened today. I really had thought I was getting better with this fear. For those who don't really know, my fear is of large flocks of birds in particular. I can do one bird, or pretty tropical birds in pet stores. But a large flock....forget it. Okay, so I was getting better, or that's what I thought. There is an intersection that I drive through on my way to work that has hundreds of birds just sitting on the wires, making so much noise I can hear them over my radio. But, every morning, I don't loose my shit. I feel my anxiety raise, my palms get sweaty, and I have to check my breathing but I don't lose my shit. I make it through the light.
I can coach myself through the birds if I can see them coming. I don't get panicked by smaller flocks anymore. It still stresses me out, but I can manage. I thought I was doing better. But today....I was driving to my mom's house to feed her fish. I haven't driven over there in awhile, and not since most of the birds have come down for the fall. I forgot about this intersection. 423 and Main. The birds love that intersection. Fucking love it. Must be the 7-11, I dunno. As I am approaching the intersection, at least 200 birds start to do their flock-swarm-flying-birdnado bullshit. I lose my shit. I mean, I literally lose my shit. If that light had been red, I would have ran it. If a cop would have tried to pull me over, not today buddy. I screamed. I broke out into an immediate sweat. I got chest pains, and was lightheaded. I couldn't catch my breath. I was on the verge of tears.
It. Was. Terrifying. I realized, not in that moment because all I could think of was get me the hell out of here, I need to get help for this. This is just out of control. I can't live like this. Unless I plan on moving out of Texas, which apparently is the migration destination....I'm screwed if I can't get over this fear.
I wanted to share this to a)maybe help me get over it b) help people understand just how big of a phobia it truly is and c) to ask...no beg of you, please stop tagging me in bird shit. I mean, really. Otherwise, I'm going to find out your fear and start posting that shit on your wall. Don't be an asshole.
