Mean Mom

Tonight, I am a mean mom. I'm literally the worst. I mean, they don't get any worse then me. What did I do that was so terrible? I asked them to go to bed. After the courtesy 5 minute bedtime warning. Who the hell do I think I am? How dare I yell at him after asking nicely 3 times? I should be shipped off to Azkaban and wait for 12 years until I learn how to transfigure into a dog to escape. I should be grounded forever. I should be marched around the neighborhood while all the neighbors watch my kids shame me ringing a bell.

After being told how I was such a mean mom, that I hate him and other random grumbling of a ten year old that just been told the tragic sentence of bedtime, I thought to myself "One day, one day he'll call me and apologize for being such an asshat. That reminds me, I should call my parents..." I can't possibly be the only mom who accused of being mean. I'm mean anytime I tell them no. Tell them they need to do something. Tell them, well, basically anything it seems now-a-days. I just can't win for losing. What did I do to deserve this? I birthed you out of my WOOOOMB! I GAVE YOU LIFE! I GAVE YOU THE LAST SLICE OF PIZZA AND THIS IS HOW YOU THANK ME???

Deep breath

Then I just have to remind myself. Kids are assholes. They are selfish. They can't think of how their actions affect others sometimes. They don't get how leaving a puddle of water on the bathroom floor will later lead to their mean mom slipping and pulling a groin muscle in a not so graceful reenactment of an Olympic gymnastic routine. SO selfish. But there are glimmers of hope in there. When they call strangers sir and ma'am. When they go out of their ways to play with the special needs kids at school. When they are gentle and kind to the neighbor's baby. The rare moments that they are sweet to each other right before someone gets slapped in the face and another war breaks out. Those moments, those are the ones that make being a mean mom worth it.

So I say to you, fellow mean moms, keep being mean. Keep setting boundaries and enforcing them. Keep on making the rules and showing you mean business. Stand your ground, cause you're a mean mom. And a damn good one.